Being alone has become a shameful disease. Why is everyone running away solitude? Because it forces you to think… ”(Beigbeder, 1997)
This quote from Frédéric Beigbbeder’s book, Love lasts three years, illustrates well a problem experienced by several current couples. Indeed, living in a relationship would have become for many, an excellent way to escape loneliness with great strides. Having said that, why do people try so hard to avoid being alone?
Table des matières
Celibat: What exactly is being alone?
First of all, solitude makes it possible to reconnect the human being with his personal freedom. In other words, being alone is about finding yourself. It is to reconnect with his person, with his « I » become dissociated and totally independent of the « us » having been born through the relational union. Having said that, do we end up fleeing loneliness first and foremost out of fear of ourselves? Quite possible! On the other hand, people let themselves be governed enormously by the fear that they will come to hate the individual they may have become over the years. It is the worry of coming face to face with a being now devoid of any consistency and meaning, foundation and authenticity. It is the fear that the confrontation of oneself imposes on a personal reflection.
Celibat: What is so scary?
What frightens about being alone is the judgment of others, the opinions that people around us may have. What honestly happens to the average person when it comes to measuring personal success? Perfection at all levels, especially with regard to relational life. So, would having a “successful” life be symbolized by the fact of living a couple relationship, through which we systematically manage to be happy? In fact, it is a fear that the company is trying to convey as a message. The challenge for each person should be to find a soul mate, to have a wonderful married life, where sex becomes and remains naturally perfect, where our destiny is drawn broadly through the other.
Can celibacy be a real enlightened choice?
All in all, wanting to be alone and at least staying that way turns out to be an almost insane choice, unfortunately not being fully respected in today’s society. So much so that celibacy has become a scorned and despised status. In this regard, even if we live in a society that promotes individualism, a single person would often boil down to two things: someone who has absolutely no idea what they want or someone who necessarily has glaring relationship problems. No, but really?
The “single” label… not easy for everyone to wear! In addition to being confronted with one’s own person or the judgment of others, if celibacy is also scary, it is because this status (whether imposed or decided) can always come to undermine the financial security of individuals. . However, this reluctance to live alone is often caused by the heaviness associated with having less « room for maneuver ». That said, should we question the real motivations of living as a couple?
Celibat: In a relationship for love or…?
Of course, this financial stability that arises through the relationship of a couple not only promotes the realization of the dreams and personal projects of each partner, but it also allows a certain peace of mind. In this regard, would union with the other be, for some people, a way of not facing up to their individual responsibilities? A way to find a form of economic serenity? To face the end of the month while having the comfort of being supported by the other?
From this point of view, at the heart of the hedonic society we live in, has money become an essential key to personal well-being? Would the couple be, for some, a form of mutual support? A crutch that can help you stand up better in the face of life’s unforeseen events; job loss, illness, etc? Elements that remind us that alone or accompanied, we will always remain vulnerable in the face of life. Moreover, it is unfortunate to note that a good number of couple problems are due to the famous blue and green tickets, etc.
Celibat: A chance that often goes unnoticed
All in all, facing your loneliness (and who says celibate, does not necessarily say alone, let it be taken for granted) is to be able, but above all to want to face your own fears and anxieties. It is knowing how to accept the fact that we are responsible for our life, that « I » am the only guide of my life and master of my destiny.
In short, facing your loneliness is giving yourself the chance to get to know and understand yourself. Indeed, it is giving yourself the chance to assess your personal needs and find the necessary ways to meet them. It is to understand the place of ethics in our life by evaluating what is good or bad for us, it is to recognize and respect the values which describe us. After all, facing your loneliness, isn’t it the opportunity of a lifetime to finally come to define yourself?
For others, it is important to remember that in order to come to be two, one must first and foremost be oneself in order to let the other “be the other”. Therefore, this is why it is necessary that every human being comes to exist in all individuality.
On the sex side, it is within everyone’s reach to indulge in delicate solo pleasures. Go for a vibrator for woman or one male masturbator and you’ll never really feel alone!
