Many factors can have a considerable impact on the frequency of sexual relations: routine, daily obligations, children, state of health, age… the list goes on! Either way, don’t put pressure on yourself about the “number” of weekly or monthly sex.
Standard? There are not any. The important thing is to be comfortable with how often this happens. However, when the desire is present, but the meeting of the other becomes « distressing » or more difficult, these few tips for talk about sexuality can help you in your first steps towards your partner:
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1. Initiate sex: write it down
The best way to have more sex is to ask for it. It’s true, but it can be easier said than done! Some people are extremely reluctant to say something like, “I want you here..now!”. If these kinds of words and behaviors don’t come naturally and you are more of the shy type, why not translate your thoughts into writing? Indeed, putting your desires on paper (we often talk about heated text messages, but going back to basics, it can be really pleasant!) Helps to get rid of your inhibitions.
In short, the message gets across clearly, it shapes the erotic imagination and you don’t have to worry about the discomfort that face to face can cause. Take the opportunity to let go and get out of your comfort zone. Choose each word used. Writing something like: « I’m really looking forward to tonight » or « if you knew what I would like to do to you right now » helps to eroticize the expectation … and suddenly, to raise the desire!
2. Initiate sex: vary the timing
Get out of the ordinary on a daily basis? It’s possible. The first step is to avoid initiating intercourse when it becomes fairly predictable. When you are already in bed in your sexy babydoll for example… it becomes quite predictable! Desire feeds on surprise so go for it! Take the other (and you by the same token) by surprise; when preparing dinner, while your partner is taking a shower or at laundry time maybe? Little advice; it’s a great time to use your washing machine… in another context! In short, the idea is to be creative.
3. Initiate sex: let her know
Over time, couples generally cut corners when it comes to sensuality; what you couldn’t stop telling your partner is now often overlooked. This is about compliments and sweet words. He sits up straight, the smile sparkling across the room at a friend’s house, and that exhilarates you? Do you find her extremely beautiful when she has her nose plunged into the newspaper and she frowns to concentrate better? Why not just tell him? « I was watching you during your morning yoga, it’s because you look really sexy in those pants! » Often a few words are enough to stir up the desire!
