To get to the subject of intimacy and sexual satisfaction (and by the same token, assess the health of your couple), you often have to start with the basics and go gradually.
It is not always easy to discuss aspects that are not working as well! However, strong couples who are happy in love are often the ones who give themselves the opportunity to openly discuss more delicate subjects in matters of sexuality. Here are two to update, starting today, for good sexual communication in your relationship.
Table des matières
1. The personal limits of sexuality
The perfect sex, where everything unfolds and flows perfectly, that only happens in the movies. In reality, it often happens differently! However, if you persist in believing that it is possible, there is a good chance that the result of your antics … will not meet your expectations. Dialogue, sexual communication, it is important and it is necessary! Yes, because some positions require a minimum of « teamwork » to be profitable and honestly, it may be that (if you don’t talk about it first) your partner does not appreciate (or don’t understand) not even what you are trying to do to him! If you are using sextoys and accessories for example, choose them together and make sure that your partner is on the same wavelength to avoid any discomfort or unpleasant situation….
In short, clearly define your desires and your personal limits before being in the heat of the action. State what you want, but also what is just not happening. To help you calm the heat (if you ever let yourself go in the passion of the moment), establish a « stop word » which, as the name suggests, warns the other not to go further. We avoid « stop! » Where « no! » that can be misinterpreted. Use a clear and precise word that is not confusing and is not associated with sexuality.
2. When and how often to have sex
There are a thousand and one reasons why you may not want to have sex; stress, exhaustion, daily obligations etc. Whatever the reason (sometimes it’s not clear, it’s not necessarily a reason, but we just don’t want to!), it’s important to make it clear to your partner that you just don’t feel like it. It doesn’t mean that you don’t like or desire the other person. Still, to be refused a sexual relation by the loved one can be hurtful… That said, how to ensure that the message passes well and this, without hurting or offending him or her? Pay special attention to your body language (because yes, the body speaks for you). Do you avoid the gaze of the other? Do you have your arms crossed? A drier tone? Many will stick to a response like « Ahh! Honey, I’m tired and I have to get up early! ” Why not try something like: « I love you and I like to make love with you, but I don’t have the head for that at the moment. ”?
In summary, the important thing in matters of sexual communication is to avoid the unspoken so that the message passes clearly, without implication or misinterpretation.
And you? What are your tips to get the message across? How do you approach the subject of sexuality in your relationship?
